Eltham CC

Match Report

Match report Eltham CC Vs

Mick Cohen is writing the match report, and it will be posted onto the website as soon as Colin has typed in the scorecard.

Sunday. Deepest,darkest Beckenham. Eltham versus the might of the financial world.....HSBC. Rain in the air but we were ready. Game on.

We arrived at the ground where the verdant sward disappeared over the horizon. There were covers! There were sight screens, unlike Bexley Grammar where it is hoped a fat man wearing a white shirt will stand behind the bowler's arm for a while. They had a boundary rope!! In fact they had enough rope to raise the Titanic. This was luxury. Even the grass smelled of money. There was a nusery on site and looking at some of the opposition they weren't long out of it themselves. The pitch was looking firm and hard (ooer missus). There would be bounce and Michael's eyes lit up like a kid's on Christmas Day.

Eltham decided to bat first. Liam and Colin opened opened against a youthful attack who were quick and short (bowling not the bowlers). Liam, out to impress his boss, unselfishly sacrificed his wicket to give Duncan a better opportunity of batting by putting the ball unerringly into the hands of long leg (Is that physically possible?). Matthew entered the fray and began attacking the bowling while Colin continued to use his front pad with aplomb. Scoring was difficult and eventually Matthew hit a powerful shot to square leg where the fielder in his desperation to get out of the way and/or protect himself hung on to the catch. Peter and Colin then began the fight back. This was a 40 over game and the run rate was god. The run rate might have been god but there was very little worshipping going on. Yes scoring was difficult what with the defensive field placings, lush grass and long boundaries but they were turning it into an art form. In fact during this period, David, who was scoring, was able to write a complete chapter on the former Eltham players between 1927 and 1938 who regularly wore club caps. Eventually both players decided to use the wooden sticks in their hands and the runs started to flow. Colin was out for a useful 27 and Peter and Derek were now scoring freely. Peter was showing a range of outstanding shots and batting. Derek was supporting him well ("There's only one Peter Fisher"....."Come on you Fish" etc.) Peter finally departed on 81 after a superb knock. In came father Fisher who managed to equal his son's score....well at least in the units column! New boy Duncan, claiming not to have batted since he was foetus or in nappies or some other previously manufactured excuse gave a terrific cameo performance and the score closed on 191.

Tea was a strange affair. It appeared there was only sufficient food for the visitors and so in true generous Eltham spirit we piled our plates up high. Sod the overdraft! HSBC did not join us saying they had to get their tea from wherever they could. Visions of bank officials in whites trawling the streets of Beckenham sprung to mind. "Can you spare a crust guv?" "Got any broken Garibaldis missus?" Back to reality please. This is a bank. This is HSBC......"Can you spare a slice of Victoria sponge and a glass of chilled Chablis?" That's more realistic!!!

Michael opened the bowling with pace and bounce (that well known pair of South London comedians). Colin, however, struck first luring the batsman to nick one down the legside. The run rate, though age adjusted, was causing HSBC problems and they were struggling to get above 2 an over because of the quality of the bowling. Matthew came on and broke up a promising partnership and David produced a spell of sublime spin bowling which confused all and sundry who were fielding close to the wicket. Liam then gave a master class in swing bowling (and that was only his hips!) and took two good wickets greatly assisted by the burgeoning young and promising talent of the wicket keeper. David continued to take wickets and HSBC were in trouble. That's the cricket team not the financial institution for all those who are reaching for the phone to close their accounts! HSBC were now too far behind the run rate but managed not to lose all their wickets thanks to the efforts of a pre-pubescent youth and his dad.

The result was a good Eltham win. It was a good all round performance with everybody contributing something even if it was only their match fee!!

Next week we go further up market. Away to Swancombe-under-Merde. See you there with your bucket and spade!!

P.S. PLEASE SEND ME YOUR CLUB DINNER REPLIES AS SOON AS POSSIBLE BECAUSE I HAVE GOT TO CONFIRM THE BOOKING ETC.