Eltham CC

Match Report

Match report Eltham CC Vs Ashurst CC

Our second tour match was scheduled for the New Forest on another bright sunny day. Oh how different this was to the 2008 tour where the corresponding fixture was cancelled due to heavy rain and Eltham had to be content with a couple of indoor games along with an early trip to the bar.

The team duly assembled at the hotel car park, and Derek kindly stepped aside to allow Henry to play. Matt 'Taffy' Bevan once again sat out as the skipper did not want to risk 2 potential crocks in the same match. Matt's chance would come tomorrow.

Colin unusually arrived a little late to calls for heavy fining of the Finemaster for his tardiness. Colin chirpily responded that he had been waiting for directions to print out, and handed these out as compensation. It was agreed that on the assumption these directions were good no fine would apply. However, as regular readers will know, Colin and navigation do not sit well together. Colin headed off as navigator in the Bisley's car while the others placed their faith in the more reliable local lad, Richard or their Sat Nav. Will and Colin were of course first to arrive at their ground and sat smugly waiting for the others. They waited, and they waited, but no one else came. No Eltham or Ashurst players in fact. A phone call confirmed they were at the wrong venue, and directions to the correct ground were relayed.

Meanwhile the remainder of the team and the huge travelling entourage were soaking up the spleandour of this quintessentially eccentric English country ground, complete with public roads on each straight boundary, a minefield of various animal droppings, and some rather unpredictable wild horses roaming the outfield.

Eltham won the toss and opted to field in a timed game.

The trusty combination of Tanveer and Page opened the attack and were instantly causing problems for the Ashurst opening pair. Tan continued his economical but barren run. Richard too seemed to be finding it hard to make the breakthrough, and the first drinks interval was taken. At the break Ashurst kindly offerred to host a barbecue after the match which was met with enthusiasm by the players, but apparently not by the WAG's who had their hearts set on the Chinese restaurant already planned by their newly self appointed spokesman, Coach Seeds. Just goes to show the power of positive discrimination when the WAG's have a man to speak on their behalf. But then as my beloved often says 'Why keep a dog and bark yourself'.

Soon after drinks, and with minds back to the game at hand, Richard found the outside edge with Redman taking a fine catch. This was quickly followed by the second opener falling in the same way. While this was all going on there were a number of stoppages to allow the Ashurst Chief Whip to charge onto the field beating the ground to chase off our extra fielders Red Rum and Phar Lap. Asjad was later found trying to quietly but unsuccessfully persuade one of the horses to move on. Doctor Doolittle or Ace Ventura he is not!

Bulpitt's relentless warming up finally caught the skipper's eye, and in an effort to prevent him causing himself a shoulder injury was brought on to replace Tan. This had almost instant results, with the stumps scrambled to remove Barns for a duck. The Eltham girls managed to contain themselves from quacking the departing batsman. Pity they wouldn't show the same consideration for their own team!

Page continued to complete the maximum allotted 10 overs and picked up a further 2 wickets, 1 of which was an excellent caught and bowled with the catch taken near silly point (or should that be point to point?). Page retired to the boundary (or should that be stud) where he enjoyed a pint and some strawberries in between balls. Marvellous stuff.

Wouldham replaced Page and picked up a wicket before Hicks turned his arm. Bill replaced Bulpitt, and an excellent mysterious spell of spin claimed 2 wickets. Bisley replaced Hicks and was roundly despatched to all parts before Pete 'the bandit' Fisher was at last released to collect yet another cheap wicket. The final wicket fell when the camouflaged Reynolds, clearly invisible to his partner, was left stranded by a suicidal bit of running, and was easily run out by (any takers?)

The Ashurst innings closed on 157 with Park undefeated on 71. A good team performance from Eltham featured an excellent 4 for 23 to Page and 3 catches, 1 stumping and 2 obligatory scuffed elbows for keeper Redman.

Tea was taken with a fine selection to choose from. Wouldham was particularly pleased with the DIY sandwiches allowing him to avoid any filling that did not start out with a pulse. The bar was noted. How long could Eltham resist it's temptation? Not long as it turned out, as straight after tea Pimms o'clock chimed for the WAG's. Matt Bevan was still surprisingly sober. No Brains SA I suppose? Or did he have his eye on one of the young fillies? There were no sheep after all.

Bisley and Hicks started for Eltham and steadily compiled an excellent 51 before the straight playing and elegant Chairman was snapped up caught and bowled. While all this was going on, spies from one of our regular opponents, Greenheath, were doing some reconnaisance work, obviously doing some homework before the upcoming fixture. Didn't they know this could have been more easily carried out at Hall Place the following Saturday?

Swain joined Bisley, before Will was disappointed to be caught after making another solid start. Mir strode to the crease and was quickly in full flow. Swain managed to defend a couple before unleashing a series of lofted drives and was lucky to be dropped twice in the same over by the same fielder. This luck did not last long with a thin edge giving the keeper an easy catch off a very friendly delivery.

Wouldham joined the fray, and was scoring freely before losing sight of the camouflaged fielder at point who held a juggled catch. With victory in sight, and the likelihood that not many more would be required to bat, the bar was now claiming good Eltham patronage. Fisher and Mir continued their fine early season form and the win was sealed with a few overs to spare. All of the Eltham batsmen made a contibution, Asjad top scoring with 40 not out.

Cue the presentation and a round of drinks for our wonderful hosts. Here's to another match at Ashurst on the 2010 tour where we can all field in spurs and chaps, with saddles at the ready. We may even be able to persuade the WAG's to accept the barbecue invitation if we can get past their spokesman!

Ye hah!

Reporting: Pete 'I'm sure the chairman was supposed to write this report' Swain