Eltham CC

Match Report

Match report Eltham CC Vs Shooters Hill CC

Greetings one and all, first game back after a winter of running and lame excuses and I've been lumbered with the task of reporting on the severe thumping that the not so mighty Eltham received at the hands of the unknown quantity of Shooters Hill. Perhaps the skipper had a premonition that he may not have too many opportunities to get more match reports out of me this season? Wish he'd told me that, I'd never have gone running on Tuesday night, culminating in Ankle ligament damage and an untimely trip to A & E!

Anyway, back to the business at hand... it's worth pointing out at this stage I only have the capacity to report on and remember the last match I watched, irrespective of the sport. Unfortunately for all you Mexico fans, the last match I saw was indeed England Vs Mexico on Monday night! However with it being such an uneventful game and England played so badly despite winning, I do actually have a few memories left from Sunday's white wash...

After a quick Sunday morning net session to try and make up for Splinters lack of winter nets, all was going to plan and building his confidence nicely until Khurram rocked up in his bicycle shorts. It was at this point that any confidence that had been gained rapidly disappeared. Splinters was bowled twice in a row, and missed the other three deliveries from Khurram, and promptly declared, that's enough thanks!! I have to say, Cycling shorts are only acceptable clothing if a bicycle is within touching distance, if there isn't one, put some clothes on, we can see everything!!!

Skippy the Skip Skip Kangaroooo won the toss, and elected to field first. This gave Khurram the chance to bowl with the new ball, and putting the rest of us out in the field, with no shade, and on the hottest day of the year. Having had the coldest winter since the ice age, that doesn't really say a great deal, however it was still enough for the weather lady to declare it as *Scorchio!*

Khurram and Ricky opened up, with Khurram, (thankfully now fully dressed) starting quite wildly sending a few balls down the leg side, which was surprising given his deadly accuracy against Splinters in the nets! The leg side deliveries left Andy lying face down and upon his return to the world of verticalness looked absolutely disgusted that the umpire had signalled byes and not a wide, Mr Redman, being a true wicket keeper actually signalled to the umpire that he should be giving a wide rather than a bye! Shocking behaviour! Fine that man I say.

Khurram continued (fully clothed) with his very quick bowling and gradually began to hone in towards the stumps. Meanwhile Ricky was bowling a nice line and length and keeping things tighter at the other end, but unable to get the breakthrough. With both batsmen hitting out, the first wicket eventually came when Khurram got McAnnlen to play on. With the run rate continuing to pick up speed, Colin replaced Khurram; leaving Khurram with 3 over's to be used at the end of the innings.

Suddenly it happened, yes the unthinkable, a controversial piece of fielding resulting in 4 runs rather than a catch (albeit a very hard catch). Guess who was bowling? Yes, that's right Colin "Zen Budda" Wouldham. If looks could kill, someone please dial 999 cos Asjad might not make it! Fortunately Colin then clean bowled the quick scoring O'Connell the very next ball! A gentle hum could then be heard over the outfield as the "dagger looks" were placed back in his pocket.

Ricky continued to bowl well, but started to get a little expensive in his last two overs. He was then replaced by Gary Bill who had been eyeing up the rough patch outside the batsmen's off stump. Gary went on to be described as Harbajan Singh by the ever chatty Boyce, I can only think it was referring to his looks, or his hair style... Harbujan Bill was to later infamously declare that it was impossible to turn the ball on this pitch (or words to that effect) how wrong he would prove to be!!

Pete Fisher replaced Colin but Boyce and Knowles continued to hit out, with Eltham staring down the barrel of a rather large total to chase. Skippy replaced Gary, and was proving quite threatening and accurate from the word go. Pete ended up taking three wickets, all bowled, two of which gave him the opportunity of a hat trick. Khurram returned to the action replacing Pete Fisher, and soon took another wicket and boy oh boy did he show his delight! Either that, or perhaps as he bowled the aforementioned cycle shorts had ridden a little bit too high?

Shooters Hill finished up with a very competitive score of 235 for 6, a good total and judging by our past batting performances, certainly gettable. Although it would be important for us to get a good start and put the pressure on the fielding team.

Tea was taken, and the whole Eltham side were just happy to get out of the Sun, and have a well-earned break. On leaving the pitch Richard "Bambi" Page greeted the side sitting down in the shade, having watched much of the innings, beer in hand. He was kind enough to declare he'd much rather be playing. Yeah, we believe you Rich!!! No doubt you'll claim the same at Ashurst on tour whilst eating cake, cream teas and drinking beer!!

Asjad and Splinters opened up for Eltham, with Asjad hoping to continue his fine form of last season, and yours truly hoping to improve on my net session demolition at the hands of Khurram! Fortunately with no cycle shorts to be seen anywhere, Splinters confidence was high, unfortunately runs proved hard to come by from the very start. Shooters Hill also opened up with a very tricky left arm finger spinner who was extracting quite a bit of turn from the pitch (take note Harbujan Bill). Both Asjad and Splinters were able to get a few boundaries, however never enough to keep up with the required run rate.

Asjad was eventually bowled by the opening quick bowler, and Splinters was joined by Pete Fisher in the middle. Fresh from a ton the previous week, Pete was unable to continue in the same vain and was bowled for 4, by a short ball that stopped on him. Bevan Boyo was next in, but faced the tricky proposition of THE left arm wrist spin of Carroll, who was able to extract even greater turn out of the pitch than both the Shooters Hill opener Ryan, and Eltham's very own Harbujan Bill put together!

Carroll soon took the wicket of Splinters, bowling him round his legs, then added Khurram to the exclusive Eltham duck club, and then caught and bowled Bevan Boyo. Colin and Skippy Swain added 23 and 18 respectively before Colin was caught behind, and Pete was yet another victim for Carroll. This brought Derek and Ricky to the crease however Derek was soon bowled by Carroll to complete his 5 wicket haul. Ricky was bowled by George, although not before hitting a lovely four over mid on, leaving Harbujan Bill and Andy "Hannibal" Redman over 120 runs still required with about 14 overs to go. Defeat was inevitable; it was more a question of how soon it would occur? Both batsmen added to the score, although Gary was eventually bowled by George leaving Eltham all out for 119, 116 runs short of the required target.

Not a good batting display by Eltham, and hopefully this will be our bad performance out of the way and that we can look forward to more successful totals on tour.

Also missing in action this week was Matthew "Monica" "Brad Pitt" "Battbull" Bulpitt the second most nicknamed player in the club. Rumour has it; he was celebrating his new headship by having a big blow out in France!! Congrats Matt, just don't let the extra work get in the way of your playing Cricket!!!

This is Will "Splinters" Bisley reporting for the Eltham CC Weekly news, signing out!