Eltham CC

Match Report

Match report Eltham CC Vs Catford and Cyphers CC

Excitement was in the air. The arrival of the opposition, Catford & Cyphers, was keenly anticipated. The ground was looking lush and verdant, especially the track which had recently been mown (allegedly). The outfield (or rain forest as we know it) was swaying in the early afternoon breeze which allowed a recently discovered tribe of Stone Age people to move quickly into the undergrowth. Pete Fisher was anxious about fielding especially if the skipper told him to field in the deep...deep what?

The opposition finally arrived with the clock showing the big hand on 2 and the little hand on 1. A 'gang'(?), 'group'(?) or horde of pubescent youths spilled out of their car seats during an impromptu Eltham ball dropping session. The average age was plummeting towards single figures until another Catford team member arrived on a scooter thus ensuring that not all of them would need a story after tea. Colin was speechless (every cloud...) and just managed to stutter out the words "one or two of them are quite good looking." A worrying comment at the best of times, but a man's got to have a hobby. Meanwhile Asjad, having forgotten the milk, went back for it, then had to return back home again for tea bags, and finally managed to leave the sandwiches behind. Oh deep joy! Another great season beckons!!! Thankfully a non-playing Eltham member was found to retireve the forgotten sarnies, Pete Fisher memorably describing this as a "Kash & Carry" moment.

Eltham were put into bat. Needless to say the structure of the previous sentence informs all and sundry that Matthew lost the toss. No change there then. Asjad and Will set off at a cracking pace and eventually reached the wicket where they proceeded to score quickly, especially Asjad. However, a top edge and a split chin meant his sartorial white elegance was spotted with claret and he retired to the pavilion for repairs. Fisher Minor jumped quckly into Asjad's shoes and soon began smacking the ball to all corners of the jungle. What about Will I hear you cry? "Splinters", as he is now to be known, was spraying the ball all over the place off the edge. This confused the fielders and they dropped him several times. This meant he carried his bat throughout the innings for a magnificent 89 not out. Not bad for someone on dayboo. Result...happiness.

Back to the plot where Pete and the returning Asjad were both out to excellent catches. I bet Will was smirking! Enter the skipper, who was still determined to out-six the "Tasmanator", Pete Swain. Surely Matthew knows that all targets must be realistic and achieveable! Still, he tried very hard...bless. Unfortunately after a whirlwind innings he allowed the ball to hit his pads and fell victim to "Trigger" Seeds whose finger moved so fast it had re-entry burns on it! The innings spluttered to a close with a brave attempt by Will to reach his century. He failed. However this was mainly due to the fact that sunset was at 9.20pm and Catford still had to bat. Tea was taken with Eltham's score on 220.

Despite the previous traumas regarding the tea (eg; no cups, no spoons, no sandwiches etc) it all went off well and the teams set off for Scene II. Concerned about the ages of the batting team Matthew held back the pure venomous pace of Richard until he might be needed and instead opened with Imran and Alan. Pace, guile, turn, drift and swing were all evident and Alan bowled as well. Soon the opposition were in disarray. Matthew pulled off some stunning catches which disheartened the opposition and us. Alan and Imran ripped through the batting of Boys R Us with three wickets each. Tan joined the party with two good wickets and with a sharp run out and a final wicket from Colin, Catford were out for 39.

So what conclusions can we draw from this game?

• First get more fixtures against very young opposition so we can not only win but look good as well.
• Do not let Matthew put himself in the best catching positions otherwise the fielding award will be won by July
• Make sure Richard gets a bowl during the game otherwise he will practice his run up and appealing technique afterwards and we'll never get home
• Ensure the teas are fully furnished and resemble the Ritz and not the Sally Army Soup Kitchen. This is obviously no reflection on the excellent tea provided by Asjad.

Result... another game...another win.... the dream lives on!

Your Correspondent: Mick "Burgeoning Talent" Cohen