Eltham CC

Match Report

Match report Eltham CC Vs Old Pilotonians CC

The scene of last year's amazing rearguard action (Steady! - Ed) between John Fisher and Mick Cohen. This was another good match which Eltham did well to win by 7 wickets - but old Pilotonians made it much harder than it might have been! Will Bisley reports below.

Welcome to the first fixture this season as per the original fixture list! Several players MIA this week:

• Bulpitt - missing his second game due to "Nicola's birthday". How many games can he miss with the same excuse? Does this not set a dangerous precedent for the rest of us? (Just don't tell Carol - Ed)
• The Coach - allegedly at his son's wedding. More likely attending a coaching convention.
• Alan Horne - has apparently taken up horse riding, and was racing in the Derby.
• Richard Page - at a weather forecasting seminar, specialising in the Whitsun weekend 2009?

Prior to starting the game, and with Carol scoring again, Andy Redman was promoted to Senior Consultant scorer - a position he was soon to find in jeopardy...

Anyways, back to the matter in hand...

The outfield was green and lush. The pitch was soft/ultra moist/saturated (please delete as appropriate). Alan Horne in his horse racing circles would describe it as soft to heavy.

Needless to say that the Skipper (Swain/The Tasmanator but for the purpose of this report "Skippy the Bush Kangaroo") lost the toss (I thought he won it, but we never let the facts get in the way of an Eltham match report anyway - Ed). Within two overs Skippy had churned his end into a mud bath with those big paws of his. A smug grin was seen on Tan's face, safe in the knowledge that he had chosen the right end. On several occasions Skippy was to be seen floundering on the floor like an OAP in search of a hip replacement. That being said, both Skippy and Tan were keeping things tighter than a ducks behind, reducing the opposition to 20 for 6 in the process, with Skippy taking 2 for 12 including a caught and bowled, and Redman snuffling up a smart catch behind. Tan mean while was producing a lovely spell of line and length bowling, returning figures of 3 for 23, whilst treating us to a one man Mexican wave at the end of each over.

What about the sixth wicket I hear you ask? Well the opposition's token left hander was fooled into taking a second when noticing Tan dribbling and tripping over the ball at the fine leg boundary. Embarking on what he thought would be a easy second, Tan noticed the batsmen had been lured into his uncanny trap and arrowed in a superb throw for Mr Redman comfortably to remove the bails and send the token left hander packing.

At 20-6, worried faces were evidently seen on the opposition, and the Eltham top 3 batsmen (most notably on Bisley's it has to be said). With the oppo reeling, it was time for a bowling change and some lessons in how to field and how not to field. Messrs Wouldham and Cressy stepped into the breach with Colin (having finally got his breath back after last week's innings) looking particularly dangerous with his leg spin. With the batsmen starting to look more threatening, the Eltham fielders were called into play with some very smart fielding from Pete Fisher in the covers, and if I do say so myself (You do - Ed) a particularly nice diving left handed save at point from Bisley, although he was later to admit his hand hurt so much he wished he had missed it.

The run rate started to increase, and the Eltham top three dreamt of the possibility of some sort of a target to chase. Then it happened. Yes, the unthinkable, dropped catches off of Colin's bowling. The first unfortunate "victim" was Imran who had a vaseline-hands-like moment with the ball slipping through like a hot curry after a heavy Friday night on the tiles - much to Wouldham's disgust. The second unfortunate "victim" was Asjad who despite dropping the ball, quite clearly did it on purpose so as to sportingly allow the oppo to set us a bit more of a score to chase down. Unfortunately this left Wouldham near apoplectic, and muttering if you can't get a job done properly, do it yourself. And that he did, with three C & B's ripping the heart out of the oppo fight back, two of which were particularly good catches. The first was a one handed catch snatching the ball as it raced millimetres above the ground, and the third a great diving effort to his left. A third unfortunate incident, in an otherwise excellent display of Cricket by the Eltham fielders was when Tan tried to trick the batsmen into testing his arm again, tricked himself, nut megged himself and then watched the ball roll over the boundary for four. Fortunately Colin was not bowling.

A couple of interesting umpiring decisions left Mr Redman flat on his face and it has to be said very wide of leg stump, nearly seething at how that could be given as four byes and not four wides. Just wait till I get my hand on the score book Redman was seen to be thinking! Little did he know, that he was soon to be relegated to Junior Assistant Reserve scorer, with Carol proudly having produced a stunning score sheet looking more like the colours of the rainbow.

If by now you'd thought we had already seen the best catch of the match, you would be wrong! With Asjad bowling, and being given a bit of a tough time by what turned out to be the opposition opening bowler, he banged one in short to see the ball smashed away towards the leg side boundary for what seemed a certain six. The opposition were on their feet applauding a lovely shot, only for their hopes and dreams to be dashed on the rocks by a superb one handed catch on tip toes by Wouldham just inside the boundary and to the entire teams relief. Had it been signaled as a six, we were all dreading the potential reaction from Wouldham!! There endeth the Old Pilotonians innings - 127 all out off of 39 overs. A good job well done by all.

A very pleasant Tea was had by all, although after Pizza and Chips last week, nothing was ever going live up to the Tea at Horton Kirby.

With a moderate total on the board, Eltham started chasing it down with gusto (Insert your own Mick Cohen joke here - Ed) with Bisley forgetting himself and hitting two fours off of the first two balls and Asjad following suit and hitting a very nice four before getting fooled by the oldest trick in the book and missing a straight one. Bisley followed sooner after holing out for 17. Up step the sensible and level heads of Pete Fisher and Imran. With Pete in particularly good form, disposing of the bad balls and offering lessons in how it should be done to the two openers. Well supported by Imran who scored a patient 15 including a very nice push through the covers for four, although eventually falling victim to an LBW from the oppo opener who had now changed ends and was bowling from Skippy's swamp end.

Pete continued to show no mercy, hitting several maximums, and pushing his way towards a very well deserved fifty, eventually reaching 66 not out and ably supported by John Fisher for the final few overs as the run chase was whittled down. Finishing on 128 for 3 off of 25 overs. Game over and an excellent all-round performance!

Open question: Tan had actually caught a couple in the warm up game beforehand with the Swain boys, and was seen to be asking whether they count in the fielding stats? He also allegedly went home clothed, and carrying his kit. A vast improvement from the rumored naked shocker of the week before.

What about Matt Bevan I hear you ask? Matt (or Taffy as Daniel Swain now calls him) saved the best till last. In the pub he was heard whilst donating money to a rather shocked looking breast cancer awareness lady, declaring "I like breasts!" rather loudly.

5 games, 5 wins: The dream lives on. Vive Le Eltham!

In the words of a past player and distinguished writer:

"Kisses on the bottom, both cheeks"

Your faithful correspondent,

Will Bisley