Eltham CC

Match Report

Match report Eltham CC Vs Sidcup CC

Under instructions to 'Please beat Sidcup' from the absent Andy Redman (Rumour had it he had been nabbed by the truancy officer and served a Saturday detention on his first week back at school. Tough discipline is what we like to see, even for head teachers! A parting gesture from the recently retired Ofsted 'gamekeeper', our illustious chairman perhaps?) the Eltham 11 assembled in confident mood following a streak of 17 games without defeat stretching back to the tour in May.

All seemed well, with the usual suspects even arriving on time, and the Bisleys covering all eventualities by arriving via two different routes from the other side of the clubhouse following last year's debacle. The sun was shining, and Mr Page was taking a rest from upsetting Sidcup's insurers. Spirits were high.

The 2 skippers walked out to the square where on the way Roger 'The Dodger' Shaddock convinced Pete 'The Gullible' Swain that Sidcup were a little on the weak side today, including 2 who had not played for 45 years and would require a rolling substitution whilst in the field, and only 3 batters who could get into double figures. It would be best that Eltham bat first and declare somewhere between 2 1/4 to 2 3/4 hours, or when they were approaching 200 'Dodger' advised.

'Gullible' bought this hook, line and sinker, and agreed against his better instincts to bat first, knowing full well that ECC had grasped defeat from the jaws of victory 2 years ago, and could not get the final wicket last season. Hey ho that is the misguided confidence that a long winning run will give you.

This foolish optimism didn't end here, as during pre-match discussions, and it must be said against the advice of his team mates, 'Gullible' proudly proclaimed that some were yet to join Eltham's much loved ducks gallery. Now cricketers can be a superstitious bunch (for example Derek won't wear any clothes that are not labelled left or right, and has even had Nancy label Tan's gloves for him). But not the skipper. The cricketing gods were obviously watching, laughing 'you will pay today'!

The returning Fisher junior and Mir opened for Eltham, and a quick opening over from the younger McCauley yielded only a wide. McCauley senior started from the sunset end, drawing Mir into a wild flash ouside off which usually results in 4 runs. Unfortunately today it produced a bottom edge and a golden duck almost as shiny as Bisley's.

Bulpitt strode out, exuding the air of confidence his rich vein of recent form brings, and was scoring quickly from the off. The partnership grew and Bulpitt received good, albeit premature warning from the missus that he was nearing 50. The half century was comfortably achieved and the pair went past the 100 mark as drinks were taken, despite having played one on with such finesse that it failed to dislodge the bails. Better get a lottery ticket tonight Mr Fisher! This great partnership had given Eltham a firm base from which to build. Fisher was next to fall, agonisingly short of his 50 again to Shaddock, bringing his Dad to the crease.

John avoided successive ducks while Matt chanced his luck and was dropped a couple of times. Matt was again warned by Nicola to take it easy before being held to a catch behind off the boewling of the initial wicket keeper! Nice to see Matt is not the only one to ignore his wife's wise advice! Bulpitt had compiled an excellent 96, and was unfortunate not to score his second ECC century.

The captain entered the fray and played one on from well outside off to earn a photo session with his daughter and her namesake, along with entry to the 'club', and the sounds of 'we told you so' from the boundary. The over rate was now painfully slow as Eltham entered the declaration zone. Things were starting to not go to plan.

Fisher senior and Wouldham tried to force the pace, but the bowling was now good and tight, drawing the batters into loose shots, and the catches were starting to stick. Bisley and Seeds tried valiantly to push the scoring on, but were also tied down as the innings was brought to a close. Sidcup had only managed 39 overs in almost 2 3/4 hours. Surely finable based on normal rates. (Perhaps the slowest we have seen this season with the exception of Morgan, who you could only play around the summer solstice if you want anything more than a T20) 'Dodger' now seemed about as wily as our old foe 'Shinpads' Roy)

An excellent (almost everyone's opinion except our resident fruit and veg lover Colin) tea was taken with the jam and coconut encrusted sponge a particular highlight. Yes, I know Aggers from TMS would do it greater justice, but then he is a commentary and cake eating pro!

Bowling plans were discussed with former captains, none of whom could agree on a strategy, so 'Gullible' opted for his own with Tanveer getting the benefit of bowling down hill and Bisley given the sunset end. Tanveer was his normal reliable self, but Will's pace and length was affected as the batters took him on. Spin was introduced from Bill at the sunset end, but this too was proving to be cannon fodder and the scoring rate continued to rise. Tanveer, angered by a streaky boundary from Crust in the air past point struck first (and almost last) with probably the fastest straightest ball he has ever bowled for Eltham, hitting the top of middle, breaking the stump and sending the bails to fine leg in the process! Fine work, and well fiedled by Bill. (the bails that is)

The scoring continued freely, and in effort to contain runs and forge a breakthrough the 2 Petes took over. More like the 2 Ronnies today, but without the humour! (This is probably bordering on the defamatory for Messrs Barker and Corbett who are probaly both very fine bowlers. I recall that Mr Corbett may indeed be an avid golfer, and this could perhaps extend to cricketing prowess . Well he seems to have the jumpers. Anyway I digress, back to the disaster continuing to unfold.) This was to no avail as the batters continued to score at will on a track that offerred nothing to the bowler.

An excellent partnership for the second wicket between Waterhouse and McCauley senior brought Sidcup to the verge of victory, before Jones had the latter well caught by Seeds at mid wicket and No 4 Baker dropped by Swain at short mid off. Mir finished from the down hill end with his normal brand of allsorts deceiving the batsmen, but sadly without result.

Rather fittingly the match ball was lost, and Eltham bowled out with what looked like a red tennis ball. If only they had played tennis today!

In the end it was a comfortable victory for Sidcup and a lesson in shrewd, if not deceptive, captaincy for Swain who never did get to test the possibility that Sidcup may really have had only 3 batsmen who could get double figures, as the 3 who did get there scored enough! This really was a batters wicket where you had to get yourself out, and Eltham (with the notable exceptions of Matt and Pete Fisher) were much better at this than their hosts. There you see, Eltham were better than Sidcup at something today!

The match closed with several photos carefully composed to avoid censorship in the changing room of the latest victims of the ducks gallery, and the usual drinks and a laugh with the opposition. Having dismissed the cricket, Nicola and Gail attempted to whittle down the options for the club meal menu in a way that means everyone can have something to eat, despite Mr and Mrs Seeds trying to sabotage it and make it an all Vege affair! There was also a rare sighting of Barry Pinder (Colin to add some detail here?).

Lessons will have hopefully been learned for next years re-match with the aim of meeting Mr Redman's wishes!

Reporting: Pete 'The Gullible' Swain