Eltham CC

Match Report

Match report Eltham CC Vs Old Pilotonians CC

In a flippant moment after the game I helpfully suggested to the Skipper that I would write a match report as it would only need to be short and sweet ~ we turned up, we got beaten heavily, we went home!

It appears that he took this offer seriously...(I did! - Ed) - so, here I am and desperately trying to decide where to begin!

And so, the new season dawned bright and clear. For nearly 6 months the gentlemen of Eltham had been looking forward to this, the first game of the season. Nets (for some that is!) were a thing of the past; the first ball was about to be bowled in anger. Throughout the week, weather forecasts had been scrutinised and fretted over (that may just be me) but the time had come. Without Richard to beat me, I managed to arrive at the ground first ~ this involved ensuring we were first down to breakfast in our hotel ~ we were staying in Worthing to avoid the Royal Wedding ~ and managing to check out by 9.30!

By now you have probably realised that this report is being padded out with useless anecdotes as there is a distinct lack of cricket to report on!

At this point mention must be made of Lord Bulpitt who arrived WITH all the new equipment he had promised to buy!! Interestingly Colin and I obviously both had the same concerns as we also arrived with spare score books..... just in case he had forgotten! As if!

By 12.30 most of the team had arrived; this suprisingly included Tanveer despite the fact that he was not playing having succombed to a fractured finger the day before..... We assume it was a fracture because, to date, he hadn't actually had it checked out! The sight of our main strike bowler sitting on the sidelines created some elements of doubt in the minds of some players... for others it was an opportunity, and Lord Bulpitt's arms started to whirl. H was also in attendance; he seemed quite surprised by being asked to play his yearly game in the first game of the season but this was cleared up when he realised Lesley had put his name forward as she wanted an afternoon in Bluewater by herself!

Having found a old copy of a book about WG Grace whilst on holiday in Bath, I shared this with David "the Eltham Oracle" who immediately pointed out the only reference to Eltham in he book was factually inaccurate. Oh well, it was only ??1.50.

The only absentee at this point was young Ricklarr. On his arrival it was clear that his day wasn't going to plan ~ despite all of his Facebook enthusiasm ~ he had stopped to get petrol on the way to the ground but his credit card was refused. Some time later having being released from custody, Dad arrived to bail him out! His day wasn't to get much better!

With all players present and correct, Colin, remembering he was Skipper for the day, went out to toss up knowing that fielding was the only sensible option. Obviously we were put in to bat and Colin's miserable spelll with the coin continued.

OK chaps this is where it gets a little gruesome and I suggest that anyone with a nervous disposition logs off now and finds something less stressful to do... Let's just put it this way; Asjad and Will opened the batting ~ the first ball was probably an omen as to what lay ahead as it whistled past Will's head. The opening bowlers were tight and scoring was obviously not going to be straightforward as the pitch was certainly lively and unpredictable. Both Will and Asjad were tied down and consequently both had perished at the hand of Gibson by the end of the 6th over ~ Will obviously deciding to get the first Amelia of the season out of way quickly. The Fish was finding things equally demanding but, with Fisher Senior at the crease with him, there was still a sense of optimism on the boundary.

This didn't last long...Fisher Senior also fell victim to Gibson but he did point out this his own Amelia was over quite a long period of time! I am not quite clear about the order of the following couple of wickets as, by this time, I had passed the score book on to Young Splinters due to my elevation to number 7 and I was padding up. I am obviously not suggesting that some detail is missing from the book (but there is!!) and I missed the demise of The Fish who was stumped. The Lord Bulpitt was also at the crease and he announced his presence with a hearty blow for 4.... things were looking up. Things then looked down again as he departed next ball.

Time for me to join the skipper at the crease... Colin was looking in determined form and we were soon clapping an elegant pull for 4; Ricky was enthusiastically signalling the boundary, the bowler was returning to his mark.... until it was pointed out the Colin was walking, bat under his arm, to the pavillion having trodden on his stumps! This just about summed the day up. As ever, I couldn't make my mind up whether to play forward or back and so ended up, as usual, playing the pull to leg. H had now joined me and was looking in imperious form... this was obviously the start of the match saving partnership. 16 runs later this proved not to be the case as Henry fell to another outstanding catch off the part time bowling of Cooke. I could also have departed by this time having played the ball on to my stumps but, on this occasion, without removing the bails! The Coach lasted only a few balls, caught by the keeper following a miss timed pull; Ricklarr arrived, I gave him some of my carefully considered and valuable advice ...which he chose to immediately ignore and was bowled. Amelia number 3. Amelia 4 followed soon afterwards as The Oracle was caught brilliantly. Innings over. 50 all out (although one has to point out there was one person who was not out!)

It should be noted that Gibson finished with the remarkable figures of 8 overs, 5 maidens, 5 for 6! Congratulations to him on a very fine start to the season.

Tea was taken although very few of our players felt much like eating. Your truly was so shell shocked that Splinters had to point out that the opposition were trying to put the tea out around all my kit which I had helpfully laid out all ove the table! In the pub after the game this was taken to extremes by suggesting that they were actually using my box to hand food round in! My apologies to all concerned!

Ricklarr then decided to make his day even better by setting off the alarm! Fortunately he then redeemed himself with a fine spell of opening bowling and he was unlucky not to have claimed a couple of wickets. I'm not quite so sure that this was the case at the other end where Young Splinters and Lord Bulpitt conceded 42 runs in 4.4 overs as Farid created carnage!

And so, dear friends, we come to the end of the report. It was suggested that we have our annual team photo taken in front of the buidling we were changing in which, quite appropriately, was named "Special Needs." That just says it all!

This was a one off, next week normal service will be resumed and I for one can't wait!

Reporting: Andy Redman