Eltham CC

Match Report

Match report Eltham CC Vs Swanscombe CC

Deep into the school holidays and Eltham could be fielding a somewhat unbalanced team this week against our old friends Swanscombe. Good luck chaps.

I'm not sure in what context "unbalanced" was being used in the previous comment but it is fairly likely that this team had the oldest average age of any fielded by the club! It was fairly obvious that this might be the case when, early on in the proceedings, Fisher the Younger (as skipper), welcomed Ian Cressy as part of our youth policy! The actual detail will be available when I retrieve the score book which is currently in the capable hands of Ricklaaaar. This is assuming we don't have a repeat of his early season antics!

And so to the detail of our annual visit to SSM. As ever, we received a warm welcome from our good friends and it was no surprise to see Amit turn up despite his confident statement that he would be retiring at the end of last season. As usual there were the usual distractions to keep us amused during the game... this year there was a full scale party/bbq/rave/disco taking place on the boundary edge and the game was halted on several occasions by errant children straying on the playing surface....teacherly stares from Fisher the Younger (FtY)soon sorted this out. He was less successful with another visitor later in the game, but more of this anon.

Tanveer was the first of the team to arrive (yes, you did read this correctly) but it soon became clear that this was because he thought it was a 1 pm start and so, in fact, he would have been late if this had been the case. There was much debate as to the likely batting order as a quick look around those present soon indicated that we actually only had a 2 or 3 people who would confidently hold their hands up as batsmen. FtY successfully convinced the opposition that in order to make a game of things it would be sensible if they batted first. Having had another club do the same thing the week before and then hand them out a serious tonking (technical phrase) they were understandbly reticent but, common sense prevailed, and the mighty (if not elderly) Eltham took to the pitch.

FtY had obviously had too much time on his hands in the previous week and had come up with a cunning bowling plan; with Tanveer opening at one end, Gary "The Friar" Bill was handed the ball at the other.

And so to the next instalment of this gripping story and my thanks to Riky for posting the scores on the doors.

The opening pair for S&G struggled with the mixture of pace and spin and Beaucham in particular played a number of false shots until Harby finally got his man with FtE taking the catch. John then repeated the favour for Tanveer. Gary's second wicket was a fine catch by H on the boundary.... there was considerable doubt to begin with that he had actually seen the ball as he was disappearing in the other direction, but he returned to hold on to an excellent catch despite damaging his hand in the process. Brave soldier that he is, he carried on after minimal running repairs. The arrival of Amit at the crease signalled some serious blows to the boundary but, after a quick fire 19, he was snared by the spin of David Jones with "Elbows" Redman completing the stumping (or was it a run out??)I should note that the elbows had healed nicely during my weeks away but, within minutes of the game, blood had been drawn! Thanks to FtY for his kind words of welcome back at the time.

Just to note that the party/rave/disco had now reached a new phase with a long sheet of plastic and a hosepipe recreating a water slide. This amused not only the children but a number of adults who should have known better. Ricky looked on enviously.

With Amit back in the pavillion and Gould grafting his way to 50, Benson arrived and with his usual style, quickly pushed the score along. Ricky ended Gould's resistance to bring Lal to the crease. Cue also the arrival of 2 gentlemen and child who walked slowly across the pitch; racially abused their skipper, threatened anyone in sight and shared the full extent of their fairly limited language with us all. It was suggested that we didn't engage in discussion as the main protaganist was only recently released from prison after a long stretch for stabbing someone with a screwdriver. He was also not averse to torching ones's house (with you in it.) As if to make the point, he left the playing area and lit a bonfire on the boundary...as you do.

Returning to cricketing matters for a moment.... Lal was called for a quick run but FtY and Elbows completed the run out (or was it a stumping?)The Coach was now operating from the Disco end and started with his medium pace... until someone behind the stumps started to get slightly agitated by the leg side balls being called as byes when they were quite clearly very wide! Wisely, Derek resorted to spin and soon after "ripped" one to remove Benson's leg stump. This was followed by another "ripper" which caused some discomfort to the young batsman who questioned (on and on and on) what the purpose of a box was when it quite clearly didn't prevent pain.

For those of you more interested in the events at the party... they were now playing a seemingly very exciting game of rounders.

With no further wickets falling, S&G finished on 195 which was a total we would have taken at the start of play. Tea, as ever, was excellent but my first experience of a cold chilli roll.)

Now the big question... what would be the batting order? Once again, FtY had been doing his homework and Gary Bill opened for the second time in one day. I helpfully pointed out that all it needed was for FtY to get one that kept low first ball and we might be in trouble.... which is exactly what happened as Pete played on to his stumps for a Sehwag. When Alex and Tanveer went in similar fashion (quickly) an early end looked likely. For those of you wondering why Pete's cunning plan included Tan at 4..... this refers back to the belief of a 1.00pm start... and consequently the need to be elsewhere at 6.30!

Our fears, however, did not materialise as FtE and The Friar had other plans and set about the S&G attack with relish. Both looked in imperious form and, as boundaries flowed, 196 did not seem as far away any more. It would have been fitting if John had reached his 50 but he fell just short... but this was a magnificent return to form, warmly appreciated by the team. H and David Jones were sent in to keep the run rate going but both returned fairly quickly. Gary however, was clearly enjoying the opportunity of a proper chance to bat and we all shared his delight at his first 50 for the club. I do take most of the credit for this following my motivational speech before he took the field... encouraging him to ignore all he had seen at Canterbury on Thursday from Surrey and concentrate on the efforts of Rob Key. I also requested that he did not return from the middle until 8.00pm. In fact, he was a little early but I forgive those few minutes for his excellent 65 runs. Nice one Mr Bill!

With the lower order gallantly hitting out, we fell just short but ended the game with our heads held high. Well done chaps... this could have been a very different story. A special mention to Fisher the Younger who captained the side so well and whose inspired decisions really came off.

And so we bid a fond farewell to SSM for another year; I for one can't wait to see what delights await us in 2012!

Andy "Bloodied Elbows" Redman