Eltham CC

Match Report

Match report Eltham CC Vs Ide Hill CC

Before I start,please note the slight change in the Ide Hill score...their book is inaccurate and there are definite mistakes in their players' scores. I have gone with the runs they have indicated for our bowlers.

And finally...a game of cricket! In the past three weeks, ECC players were to be seen standing in the rain at FRC during the day, after work, at weekends...staring wistfully at a sodden square. Photos were even taken to highlight our despair. Lord Bulpitt was heard to be chewing wallpaper in his frustration.... one assumes he has a 'man that does' to re-decorate his walls as one can't believe a lord would do this sort of thing for himself! In preparation for the first home game, Mr Wouldham even purchased new mugs to make it look as though we knew what we are doing ... just in case we suffered another 2011 Pilots moment!

Colin had helpfully remined everyone of the efforts needed to set up for the first game of the season and, as he wisely predicted, there were the usual teething problems.. mainly the lack of scoreboard numbers. This was solved by finding a bowls score board which then kept Ricky amused for hours trying to extricate the numbers and transfer them to our board. At this point I would remind all members that there are many jobs to do before and after ALL home games and help from everyone is appreciated .... and expected. End of minor rant.

As the toss approached it was clear that both sides wanted to win and bowl first. We lost and batted! Messrs Fisher and Mir opened the innings and it was clear from ball one that this was going to be an 'interesting' batting experience and would bear no resemblance to anything encountered at BGS during the pre-season nets practice. Fortunately this wouldn't be a problem for Asjad as he had managed to avoid most of these sessions!

Asjad had arrived at the ground (on time one might add...unless he had mistakenly thought it was a 13.00 start) as smartly dressed as ever... this time in a particularly fetching jacket. As he strode to the crease, those of us on the boundary, noting his dapper appearance, began to ponder whether one could use said word as a verb... could he, therefore, be said to be batting dapperly? The debate will go on I'm sure.

With Old Pilots clearly still on his mind, Colin pronounced very early on in proceedings he was so confident we would score more than the paltry 50 we managed last year that, should be fail, we could call him Susan in future. Several balls later, The Fish was bowled. Cue some concern from the potential Sue.

As indicated earlier, Lord Bulpitt had been straining at the leash for the past few weeks and was clearly in the mood to score some runs (to Sue's relief.) Fortunately the homework set over the winter to actually learn the rules for LBW seemed to have paid off and fingers were kept firmly in pockets and, after a careful start, Matt's innings began to take off despite the dangerously low and variable bounce. His approach to hit 4s and 6s paid off with his 50 arriving in 59 balls. Asjad supported him admirably in a 50 run partnership until a plum LBW decision ended his innings on 22. Colin (no longer a potential Susan) joined Matt with the score on 56 but never looked comfortable in the difficult conditions. He did, however, provide solid support for Matt and a 32 partnership moved the score on to 88.

Colin's departure welcomed Adam to the crease. Those of us who use Facebook were, in fact, astonished to see Mr Ainsworth at all. On the evening before we had been treated to a blow by blow account of his Friday night visit to 10 pubs in London and, a final comment early on Saturday morning... and I quote... "I've a bxxtxxd behind my eyes!" Anyway, he was at the crease... the next question... would he bat left or right handed? The answer was left... but not for long... the first Amelia of the season. Although the duck itself was still in Maidstone, the real Amelia soon arrived and enjoyed hours of endless quacking which Adam thoroughly enjoyed. Not.

Whilst enjoying the following partnership between Pad and Matt, I tried to interest colleagues with my thoughts on a linear form of scoring once used by Bill Frindall ~ Bearders. The result? Utter scorn and derision .... philistines!

As Matt moved closer towards to the 100 mark, Pad was also playing beautifully. On 26 he cracked the ball towards mid wicket ... a 4 from the moment it left the bat.... until, flying horizontally to his right, arm outstretched, Mr Ainsworth, who was kindly fielding as a substitute, defied his Teflon tag and held on to a stunning catch. Pad was thrilled and congratulated him wholeheartedly on such a splendid piece of fielding... or something like that.

Early on in the innings, we had decided that 150 would be a good score but, with 143 now on the board, and the skipper next in to bat, then perhaps we were looking at 200. It should be pointed out that Mr Swain would have batted earlier but had carelessly left his correct cricketing undergarments at home... he was concerned that boxer shorts would not be sensible as balls were swinging all over the place.....ooh err! With his box in place, he joined Lord Bulpitt and despatched his first ball for 4. Wth Matt already with four sixes to his name, Pete was worried that the 6 hitting competition could be over before it had really started. Matt was in the 'not so nervous' 90s and moved from 95 to his century, just clearing the boundary fielder for another 6 ~ his second 50 coming from only 30 balls. A superb innings and so much more fun than chewing wallpaper! The only problem I can see with this inning however, is that Matt hasn't actually completed his player registration form yet ~ despite me sending him multiple copies.... so is this score vaild I wonder?!

Yaasar joined Pete for the final few overs and supported him as he made a typically quickfire 40. With 213 on the board we settled down to a fine tea provided by Colin who surpassed himself by including salad! Surely we could knock off the 9 wickets needed for victory and still be in time for Derek to get to Basingstoke and me to get home and cheer on Chelsea?

There was a distinctly confident atmosphere in the field at the start of the innings and, with a strong bowling attack ready to be unleashed.. it was only a matter of time..... or not! Lord Bulpitt had obviously been spending the past 3 weeks preparing new 'banter' to welcome new players and it wasn't long before we were being encouraged to look for opportunities to celebrate for Yaz...the only was is up! Or even the chance to sing 'Yaasar..I can boogie!' I suspect that this might run and run.....unlike some of our players! Boom boom!

Where was I...ah, cricket. So then, much was expected from the new ball attack of Yaasar and Ricklaaar. Both bowled well but without seeming to trouble the obviously solid Ide Hill openers who moved, without offering any real chances, to an opening stand of over 60. Suddenly, 213 wasn't seeming so comfortable at all and The Coach was introduced to proceedings. As is often the case with Graham Swann, Derek struck early with a well-taken catch by Pad on the boundary. Colin started with spin at the other end, then reverted to medium pace but without any luck and Calthorpe progressed to his half century and looked ominously good. After the drinks break the skipper took over with immediate success removing the dangerous Calthorpe in his first over. A very excitable Pad, now operating from the other end, was bowling at a good pace and finding considerable swing. Fortunately the damp pitch ensured little damage to my elbows! After worrying both batsmen, Pad finally enduced a nick from Littultos which was held behind the stumps ~ please note how I have resisted the temptation to include such phrases such as catlike, at full stretch, stunning.....

It was clear that the match was now ours for the taking but time was against us. Mr Ainsworth held on to another good catch off the skipper who then tried to outdo everyone else by holding on to an absolutely amazing effort above his head when most players had assumed the ball had gone for four. By this time, Derek had left for Basingstoke...then come back again for his cap. Yaasar was brought back in a final throw of the dice and quickly took his first and second wickets for the club. With Calthorpe now umpiring and becoming increasingly nervous, pointing out the inadequacies of the incoming batsmen to me at the crease, Yaasar very nearly succeeded in taking the further 2 wickets needed. It was not to be but cricket was ultimately the winner on a day when we are all glad not be shopping/gardening/chewing wallpaper. A very enjoyable game against a team who play in the same spirit as we do ourselves and I for one hope that we are able to visit their delightful ground in the middle of Kent....and then drink in their local.. The Cock at Ide Hill!

I can't end this report without mentioning football...congratulations to Gary Bill and his beloved Irons who are now back in the Premier League and, of course, to the mighty Chelsea who, despite all the negativity of many ECC players who went 'all German' on me, made up for my 40 years of wait ... Blue Army!!

Elbows Redman ... or Redmond as Derek prefers!